How to Give Advice

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Have you ever tried to give advice to a friend, and it didn't go as planned? Has there been a time where you needed someone to talk to but instead of listening, they just kept trying to tell you what to do? In my interpersonal communications, class we discussed the process of listening. Here are eight steps in how to practice good listening skills and provide advice.

1. Silent listening. This first step is important as staying attentive to what the speaker is saying showing we care. Responding with a head nod or other nonverbal cues helps. Try not to interrupt as that can offend the speaker. Sometimes listening to someone means more than the advice you can give.  

2. Questioning. After hearing all the speaker has to say, offer so questions for clarity. The goal is not to ask questions that trap the speaker or that have a "correct" answer. Ask how they feel about the situation or learn other details that may have been left out.

3. Paraphrasing. After question, reiterate the story to make sure you have it all right. Offering an example helps both you and the speaker relate and be on the same page. This shows the speaker you were paying careful attention but also provides a chance for them to clarify any point that missed or a place something was worded incorrectly. 

4. Empathizing. This step is about looking at the situation from their perspective. Denying someone of how they felt in a certain situation or claiming it is not as big a deal as they might think, does not help. Taking time to put yourself in their shoes to understand how it makes them feel gives you a better inroad to providing proper advice. 

5. Supporting. This is where you offer to help. It is not just pushing your advice on the speaker but asking if you can help. Support is best received when the speaker can accept the support. 

6. Analyzing. This is where you interpret the messages given by the speaker. Offering a few possible interpretations can help. By this point, this process has opened the speaker's mind being receptive of your interpretation. 

7. Evaluating. This is providing the constructive criticism. Maybe this is letting the speaker know how their actions have influenced the situation or how other factors might have played a role. 

8. Advising. Finally, we offer the advice. This is giving the speaker your opinion of next steps to take. it is important this comes after given the speaker a chance to say everything that they needed or wanted to say because offering advice too soon does not give the speaker a chance to open themselves up to receive your advice. 

Next time you are in a situation where you are giving advice, try this method. This places the focus on the speaker or the one seeking help and positively builds your listening response. 

Until Next Time, 
James

Comments

  1. McKenna NewmanNovember 14, 2019 at 2:32 PM

    Thank you so much for sharing this. This advice could really come in handy. I have been situations where I wanted to give the best advice and I felt like I didn't know what to say, so now I can use this blog in the future to help friends out.

    ReplyDelete

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